Would Rather Be Sleeping

I had a really good physical therapy appointment today.  What determines that it was really good?  Well, because I really pushed myself.  I was on a machine to help strengthen my back and one muscle group decided to tighten up and spasm during the workout.  I took a small break, but did as many repetitions as I could before the therapist came and told me it was time to get on the next machine.

I was also excited because when I was on the machine to strengthen the muscles in my neck, I discovered I was able to move my head back further than I have been able to move since the accident.  This gave me enough incentive to try to work that the best I could as well. 

So why I am I telling you this?  Because I am exhausted and I think tonight I could have fallen asleep by midnight.  And I would have, except my baby woke up from a nightmare.  I know that after reassuring him that he is safe and loved there really isn’t much I can do.  But then he is awake, and when I tell him to go back to sleep he tells me, “But I don’t want to sleep.  Sleeping makes me have bad dreams.”

I can’t really argue with that.  If he isn’t sleeping, he isn’t having bad dreams.  He is such a good boy, and I know that he will wake up in time to say ‘Good-bye’ to his daddy when he leaves for work.  And even though he will be tired, he will be a good boy and still make me laugh throughout the day.  He hasn’t waken up from a bad dream for several days, and I decided to stay up with him tonight. 

I don’t normally have to stay up with him after a nightmare, so although I am tired tonight, I will make the sacrifice if it is going to make him feel better.  And although it won’t have an immediate pay off, he won’t even be aware I am making a sacrifice, and he won’t remember tomorrow what I have done for him, the overall payoff will be that when he gets older and is questioning who loves him in this world, he will know that his mother loves him – even if he doesn’t remember exactly why.

It isn’t as if I feel I need to inform you of this.  I only explain it so that I remind myself.  Tomorrow when I am irritable, I will be reminded why I decided to wait until he was sleeping before I went to bed.  And I can remind myself that being tired for a day was a small price to pay.